Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi is a how-to book that aims to teach you the skills of building, maintaining and expanding your network. In this review I explain why this book is not worth reading.
Publisher summary: In today's economy where jobs are scarce and careers seem to move faster than ever before, knowing how to build relationships is invaluable. Never Eat Alone shows you how to use the little-known "never eat alone" rule to network with purpose and create a solid support base of colleagues, clients, potential employees or even friends--the people who will move your career (and life) forward.
This book is about building relationships and networking through those relationships. This appeals to me, as I'm a very social person and love meeting new people. Starting with this interest, let's take a look at the book itself.
The first thing that you read in Never Eat Alone is by Ferrazzi himself:
"I don't care if you're an introvert or an extrovert. If you want to build your network, you'll want to hear what I'm about to say."
This is very misleading. Many people believe that introverts cannot network, but this is absolutely incorrect. Some introverts are able to develop small networks (groups of 2-3 close friends), while other different types of introverts find it more difficult to form groups of friends, but still find it easy to make casual acquaintances. Typically introverts find it more difficult to socialise with people they don't know well and therefore find it more difficult to build relationships in general, so if you are an introvert you will have a harder time building your network than someone who is outgoing.
So, after reading this you may be thinking that this is not the book for you. However, Ferrazzi goes on to say:
"I've also worked with introverts who've used what they are naturally gifted at--thinking before they speak and listening more than contributing--to build large networks of contacts."
So if you are an introvert who can read between the lines, you can still read this book.
One doesn't have to be an introvert or extrovert to build his network, but it certainly helps. Some people are just very outgoing and are natural born networkers. If that's not you then don't worry about it, because if you know how to send out a good email or letter then you can build a network from your home.
Now that I've got that out of the way, let's continue with the review.
In Never Eat Alone, Ferrazzi doesn't tell us any secrets about how to make friends and influence people. In fact there is no real advice on actually making friends at all. Ferrazzi does, however, give us some advice on how to deal with an introvert who would like to build a network of people he doesn't know. There are various techniques that can be used to meet new people, but the main one is always the same: start conversations by asking questions. The other techniques all revolve around this technique.
The book then goes on to talk about how to maintain and grow your network. Again, this is just common sense that you don't need a book for. The only potentially useful piece of advice in this part is when Ferrazzi gives us some ideas on how we can add value to the people in our networks. He calls these techniques "Givers Gain" and the entire point of the book suggests that this is how you should act with your network - give more than you take. Of course this is simple common sense, but it's nice to be reminded every now and then.
There is a very short chapter on communicating with your network, which includes things like writing thank you notes and using social media to stay in touch. If you're new to the concept of networking then this may be useful for you, but by now these techniques are not anything special.
The final part of the book is called "What's Your Network Strategy?". This section talks about how to grow your network and develop a strategy. The main points of the book are here:
- Don't neglect your family and friends. They're already in your network, so you don't have to work at building these relationships - they come naturally. However, if you only use them as a crutch then you will have nothing else. By developing a strong family and friend base, you provide yourself with a solid foundation on which to develop your network further.
- You must add value to others in order for them to want to stay in touch with you. This does not mean giving out free advice or favours just because they ask. Everyone is in it for themselves. You must find a way to add value that is beneficial to them and then they will be more than happy to add you to their contacts list.
- If you want someone in your network and they're not interested, don't take it personally and don't get down on yourself for failing to connect with them. Find someone who they actually do know and that person will be more than happy to introduce you.
- You have two types of relationships - strong or weak. Don't waste time with people who are only acquaintances, these are the weakest kind of relationship and shouldn't receive your attention at all. However, if you have a close friend or family member in your network then treat them as such and give them your full attention. You should also nurture the relationships you have with weak ties, because these are the people who will help you grow your network quickly. In addition, these are the people that can help you get a job.
- Your network is not just made up of humans - it includes companies, organizations and societies as well. These can all benefit you in some way, so pay attention to them too.
- The more of a hub you are for information within your network, the more valuable you become to others. Become a magnet for information - collect it and dispense it freely. Having useful information makes everyone want to have access to you .
- Your network will constantly change as people come and go. Every time a relationship changes, a new opportunity opens up for you to connect with someone else. It's not all about the number of connections you have - it's also about how strong those relationships are. Find ways to strengthen the weaker links in your network and you'll find that your network becomes stronger overall.
- Arrange to meet with your network in person at least once a year . These don't have to be huge events - just catch up for a coffee and keep them updated on what you're doing.
The final two chapters provide readers with some practical advice:
- Use LinkedIn to build out your contacts list and use online tools to maintain a network from overseas.
- Remember that quality is more important than quantity. If you have 100 strong relationships then this is far better than having 1000 weak ones . Don't be afraid to turn down opportunities if they don't suit your interests or goals. You want a balanced life - not one where you're constantly networking and looking for opportunities.
- Don't forget that social media is a form of networking too, and the internet is a great way to connect with people. You can stay in touch with people all over the world - which you couldn't do as easily before email, Skype and Facebook came along .
- The most important thing to remember about your network is that you shouldn't be connecting with people just because they might be able to help you. They should understand the value of your relationships and vice versa. If this isn't the case, then it's a relationship not worth keeping.
- Your network is an accounting system - every connection has a balance where there must always be more give than take. If you give more than you take, your network will flourish and grow. If you always need something from others but aren't willing to help them when they ask for it, then your connections will drop like flies . You can only succeed by helping others succeed first - never forget this.
- It's better to have five really close relationships than fifty really weak ones. Don't feel obliged to meet with people who aren't willing to invest the time into the relationship - this will only lead you down a dead end path that wastes everyone's time.
- You need to work hard on your relationships if you want them to be strong . This might mean giving up some of your precious free time - but it's worth it. You can't expect people to give you their time if you're not willing to give them yours too.
- If you want to be successful, then your network needs strong ties between its members . These are the kinds of relationships that will allow you to get things done - they have a quid pro quo where you do things for others and they do things for you. This kind of relationship is a win-win - there is nothing to lose from it, and the power of connectedness means that if one person succeeds then their entire network benefits too .
- When starting a new company or business idea, your first contacts should be those who are already successful in your field. Don't ask them to invest in you straight away - just talk to them and find out what it's like being a CEO, entrepreneur or business owner . Learning from their experiences will make you a better entrepreneur when the time comes for you to set up your own company.
- The best people to network with are those who are a couple of levels above you . These are the people with the power to help you succeed - they have more influence and can open up access to new opportunities. Don't network with your peers - this will only make life difficult for you later on. You'll find that if you try too hard with your peers, it can lead to bad feeling .
- You can never network with too many people . Some might say that you should focus on your core group of networking partners, but Ferrazzi argues that there is always more opportunity out there. If you're not working to develop relationships with new people then you'll be missing out on golden opportunities. Even if they don't always pan out, you should always be networking - otherwise you'll never know what could have been .
- When it comes to networking, quality is better than quantity . You want to build strong relationships with people who will help you succeed. This doesn't mean that you're trying to get something from them - but rather that you're trying to support their interests too. If you're just trying to network for selfish reasons, then it will always come across .
- One of the best ways to improve your networking skills is to conduct informational interviews with people who are already successful in your field. The idea of an informational interview is that instead of looking for a job or internship, you talk about what life as being in a particular profession is like. You want to ask questions that help you understand how the person got started, what their current life is like and what advice they have for you.
- No matter what, your network needs to have a theme . This is why you should always try and keep up with what people are interested in so that you can find ways to tie things together. If it doesn't feel comfortable, then maybe you need to loosen the ties a bit - but don't do this unless necessary .
- When you're giving a speech or presentation, it should be about your audience and their interests . The more you try to make the talk about yourself and what you want to say, the less impact it will have. This is why people might feel alienated by public speakers who only talk about themselves - because they're not really interested in anything other than what the speaker is trying to accomplish .
- If you're not good at giving presentations, then it's best to find someone who is . They will be able to help you work out the most important points that need to be in your presentation. You can then tailor your talk to include these points and make it much easier to understand .
- Most of the time, an audience won't be able to tell if you're nervous or not. However, there are a few signs to look for that might give away your nerves - such as when people move in their seats or start looking at their watches . It's best to always watch out for these signs and try to improve yourself in this area.
- Before you go into a networking situation, always know what subject matter experts you want to meet . This will help you plan your conversation in advance so that it is always heading in the right direction. You never want to get caught up in small talk when it's not necessary - it can eat up valuable time .
- You always need to be aware of how the other person is feeling during a networking situation. This will help you decide who you want to talk with and what types of topics interest them. When it comes to small talk, some people might feel more comfortable discussing certain things than others do .
- It can take a while to feel comfortable in networking situations. The main thing is to keep working on your confidence and acting like you belong there . You don't have to pretend that you know everything, but it's best to not be too modest either .
- When talking with people at networking events, pay attention to what they're interested in. This will allow you to follow up with them when the event is over and continue building your relationships. You should also pay attention to what their key interests are throughout the conversation so that you can connect these interests back to yourself .
- If you have a phone conversation about an upcoming interview, it's best to set things up by asking if this is a good time and if they have a moment to talk about it. Some people might be busy or out of town and will not want to discuss this over the phone with you .
- A phone conversation with someone who is your superior should always be conducted in a professional manner . This can mean that you take notes throughout the call, don't put the other person on hold and never take sides of personal matters. It's best to avoid using words that might confuse the other person. This is because they will be able to understand exactly what you mean instead of just trying to figure out what you are saying .
- A good way to get the most out of online communication is to let your personality shine through . It's best to express what you're feeling instead of trying to be formal all the time. This can make things easier for both parties and help them understand what you are saying. The more comfortable you feel, the better your communication will be .
- While speaking online, you should always be ready to give as much detail as possible. This will help the other person understand what you're talking about and make it easier for them to reply without asking too many questions . You can also avoid misunderstandings by checking out the other person's responses and clarifying anything that might not make sense .
- One common problem with online communication is that it can be hard to establish rapport with people . This can mean that you are not able to position yourself in the correct way when starting conversations. You should always be aware of how you will create a connection with this person before moving on to the core parts of your communication.
Overall there are lots of ideas in Never Eat Alone about how to expand your network, but not so many ideas about how to actually be successful within your network. I think the reason for this is because Ferrazzi's network is based on doing business with other people or asking them for help, so if you are looking for advice on how to build a social network then this book isn't much help at all.
